Tag Archives: anxiety

Black Thumb!



I was super late blogging today because I was too busy running I have decided that I am going to start growing my own green leafy veggies in the house! I’m really very excited about this because I wasn’t aware that it was possible to do so. While researching on youtube the other day I stumbled on this method of growing plants in little styrofoam cups and I was in disbelief! I’m thinking since I eat tons of greens if this method works out then I’m going to get a little setup and a grow light and start growing my food. Now I know you all are thinking that he might start growing that sticky green stuff but I assure you all while I’m not against it I don’t use it because I have kids in the house and I don’t want them to be influenced by my decision. I’ll say this once they move out I’m snoop dogging it up in here So today I got my soil and seeds and cups and I planted my first little garden!




Yesterday……. all my troubles seem so far away. These lyrics by Lennon are so very profound because honestly I was doing great until last night and then I decided to eat a whole bunch of stupid stuff. The problem was that I was super thirsty and I think I mistook that for hunger and started eating all kind of candy and I even had fudge! I never have fudge. Haha. It was really dumb because I fasted and I had a great workout and everything and then I beeped it up binging. It happens I know but I just think it’s silly when I don’t get enough sleep and I don’t drink enough water. I’m too damn grown for all of that. I’ve forgiven myself, not because there’s anything wrong with eating like that every once in awhile but for messing up my routine. I’m such a creature of habit and I just can’t handle the same amount of leeway other people can without having a major collapse. It’s just how I work. So today I am fasting for over 24 hours to reset myself and then I’ll hit the gym and that will help me feel better about my progress. I just can’t afford any dumb eating decisions right now, I have huge goals for my weight loss this year!




I notice that by going to the gym I have a ton more energy to do other stuff. The extra energy is great I just have to be careful because if I do too much than the family will expect me to participate in way more I’m kidding but seriously it feels great to not be as limited by low energy. Even as I write this post my energy level is sky high. It may be because I’m so excited about my little garden experiment. Can you guys imagine this huge overweight black man dancing around his garden with a water spray bottle?! My gosh, I have issues! The most thrilling thing in the world for me is to learn new things and I’m like a 5 year old at his own birthday party about to open gifts! Of course, I’ll let you all know how the gardening goes and if any of you have any advice it would be greatly appreciated.


I salute you for taking time out to read this and I wish you a fantastic and joyful day!



Posted by on January 3, 2018 in Uncategorized


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King Meat




Well, there is good news and better news. The good news is I listened to my body and how sore my biceps felt and decided not to lift last night. The better news is I still managed to get my 10k steps in, so at the very least I have done something to burn calories and feel better! I’m telling you my arms were just not trying to do the simplest of task yesterday so I had to shut it down. It’s easy to forget I just got into the damn gym and I need to give my body time to adjust. The problem sometimes with a gym fee is you feel like if your paying for it you need to get the most out of it and you can sometimes overdo it. This morning my arms feel grateful that I let them rest and I’ll be at full strength to get my 4th workout in on Sunday, which I believe is New Year’s Eve! Happy New year everyone!




Interesting how things are rolling right along on the eating front! Yesterday I had a fantastic mix of Chinese cabbage and Romain lettuce accompanied by my homemade low sugar french dressing! I can’t really say it’s my recipe because I looked it up on youtube but I can say that homemade salad dressing is super easy and absolutely better than the store-bought version! Anyway, I chopped up a few delicious green onions in my salad bowl with my cup of delicious pork rinds and added some chicken to it! Let me just say not only was it delicious but it kept a big man like me full for awhile. So full in fact, that I was able to not eat any meat at all for my second meal of the day and that’s huge for me because as you know meat is King in my kitchen. The second meal was simply Bulletproof coffee, sunflower seeds and some sugar-free pudding that totally satisfied my taste buds. The best thing is my carbs were below 50g so that’s the win-win for me!


My fiance’ and I have been kicking around the idea of creating a cookbook of our favorite recipes, low carb of love the idea of us doing something together that would help others as well as allow me to stay on track with my healthy lifestyle. The more I think about it the more I’m wondering if I need to make different versions of the same recipe to fit multiple lifestyles. I would love some feedback from you guys if you have any ideas that may help. I don’t think we are interested in selling the recipes but just putting some together as a resource we could use as we go along. Please let me know if you have any thoughts on the matter because I am by no means a cooking expert and certainly not the most knowledgeable in terms of fresh ingredients but I’m very willing to learn.

I’ll wrap up by saying that I have found great strength and inspiration from my blogging community and I am so very thankful. I have been working on a Facebook community for followers of a low carb/Keto diet Alexx’s Keto Avenue and if you’re interested please feel free to join! Have a fantastic day and thank you so very much for reading!


Posted by on December 30, 2017 in Uncategorized


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Just finished with the gym and I feel magnificent! There are so many advantages to getting to the gym in the middle of the night. It’s so relaxed and peaceful and you can really concentrate on your purpose instead of talking to people and get off task. Don’t get me wrong I’m certainly a people person but when I’m working out I would prefer to get lost in my hip-hop favorites like Jay-z and T.I. just to name a couple. When it’s time for cardio I can select my cardio music like Journey or Pearl Jam and just get lost in my own mind! Anyway, I did about 20 minutes of cardio on my seated elliptical and it was enjoyable.


For strength training, I did back and biceps today. These two areas really are my weakest so I tried to really do a variety of exercises to maximise the burn. My plan is to slowly but surely get to 5 days a week in the gym!  Or I should say 5 days of exercise because I may not always get the chance to get to the facilities depending on what’s going on in my personal life. The goal is simply to do something, anything every day that will get my heart rate up a little and allow me to burn a few calories! Simple enough right?


So I have finally gotten my whole eating situation down. As you know I have been doing a lot of research and experimenting with my calorie intake as well as my intermittent fasting schedule. My fiance’ drives me crazy because I can do all this studying and reading, look at tons of data and watch seminars on nutrition and she just comes in and solves the problem in like 5 minutes. She always tells me that you can’t teach common sense and I always disagree with her on that and that’s why it hurts me to my core to admit that she is right. I’m overthinking this whole thing and the truth is I should listen to my body and do what it is telling me. If I’m working out and I need more calories then I should eat a little more, If I’m not very hungry then I should do a prolonged fast on those days. Since I have already decided on the types of foods I will be eating on my Keto lifestyle I should just relax and let my body take the wheel. As you may understand I do hate her very much! She always has a way of making my life so much easier and then flashing that cute little smile at me. I know she knows that her kindness is killing me and she knows I know it! Jerk! So you can understand how admitting that she is right is one of the most disgusting things I ever have to do but I have to give it to her, she may be on to something with the whole thing. That’s o.k I take great pleasure in knowing that one day soon I’ll stop off at her favorite place to eat and grab a delicious meal just for myself and when she asks me why I didn’t get her anything I’ll simply say “My body told me you wouldn’t want any. Ha Ha ha!




She is such a blessing and I couldn’t do any of this without her support. My whole family has totally been supportive and proud of me during this entire process. I make light of how she goes about making me better but I understand that’s she’s making me better and that’s so humbling!

Find something today that makes you smile and hold on to that thought all day long! I appreciate you for reading as always and have a super day!


Posted by on December 27, 2017 in Uncategorized


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Christmas Eve



So this is Christmas eve and I would like to wish everyone Happy Holidays and all of that good stuff! No gym till Tuesday so I have been spending this time like most of you, hanging with family and enjoying the festivities! I have been doing a lot of research lately because I have developed a bit of a problem. Since I began working out I have noticed that my appetite has gone thru the roof! Truthfully I never really accounted for what should have been an obvious situation, since I am starting to burn more calories I need to be aware that I may need a few more calories for fuel! I’m toying with the idea of bumping my calories up to 2500 daily to accommodate my new level of exertion. There needs to be a change because I feel like no matter how much I eat my body is not even getting close to full or satisfied and that just has not been the case since I started keto.



On a second note, I was nominated for an award from a fellow blogger and I wanted to say that I feel really honored that someone would think of me for something like this. While I’m flattered I found that the way to go about receiving the honor was to basically shout out the blogger who nominated me and the person who originated the award. I think it’s fantastic to recognize others but I just don’t want folks to think I nominated them just to get my blog out there so I’m just not going to participate. However, I will absolutely from time to time recommending blogs that I follow to you guys because there are some amazing writers out there, including the amazing person that nominated me! Just wanted to touch on that a second!


O.k enough of that let’s get to the reason for my entry today. Today I would like to talk about balance. It’s so very important to give everything it’s proper place and not to gloss over important things that need to happen. Just because your dieting doesn’t mean you should isolate yourself from others. Or just because your spending time with the family doesn’t mean your health isn’t as important as it always is. Self-love is about finding out the person you are and the person you want to be and learning to be proud of that person. It’s also about not stopping at just one thing. I write this to say don’t stop having fun and enjoying life because you have become obsessed with a particular area of it! Don’t get it twisted obsession can be a good thing and not just the It’s completely fine to be obsessed with your health as long as your just as passionate about your happiness or finances! Balance allows for victories in one area to carry us when we suck in another area! Maybe I should just say make sure that while you’re getting your things together you account for all things. I would hate for anyone to get to their goal weight and become super healthy only to have to get divorced or lose out on greatness in their lives that force them to become unhealthy again.




Go laugh everybody. It’s just life and at the end of the day it’s yours and no one can live it for you! Happiness is more than a number on a scale, more than a new Range Rover(although I have my eye on one that will make my life perfect, just kidding) and it’s surely more than who likes you and if someone is talking ill of you. It’s about balance, about leaving things alone you love about your life and destroying those things that you don’t like. Now please don’t hurt nobody I’m not saying that at all, I’m simply saying you deserve success in all areas of your life, not just one or two!


That’s my soapbox for today! I love all of you very much and I wish you laughs till your side hurts, love till your overflowing and riches too numerous to count!


Posted by on December 24, 2017 in Uncategorized


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Livin’ is Work





You have to focus on the problem when you can’t use food for your fall back. That’s what I’m learning on a daily bases. some people do an array of things to deal with issues in their lives. Some hit the gym and sweat it out, other’s immerse themselves in their work. For, myself it’s food as usual. My whole life it’s been my safety net, my insurance, the one place I could turn to and things would work out the way I wanted them too. They may have been unhealthy but those unhealthy foods at 3 in the morning never let me down or disappointed me. They were like a child’s imaginary friend, always there when I needed them and always provided comfort. This past year I have taken a major step forward in fighting my dependancy on unhealthy foods and snacks. I’ve come such a long way and I couldn’t be more proud of myself for it.


The issue now for me is how to deal with the issues that food help me I mean logically these issues have to be dealt with but when you have spent your entire life uses a certain shield it’s difficult to walk around naked. It’s sort of like getting punched for years with boxer gloves and then having those gloves taken off and taking the same shots. Those shots have the added effect of slicing your reality up with the awareness that people around you have been adversely affected by your actions. Time is the one thing you can’t get back in life and while you’re trying to get your life going in the right direction , there are people in your life who love you and have to deal with your issue having behind!

Today is my oldest sons birthday! I’m very lucky to have such healthy and wonderful kids. However, I realize that I could have been a better father than I was while they were growing up. There are things I could have done better. One of those is I could have been healthier physically so that I could have participated in more activities than I did. We did a ton of things as a family, however, there are things we just didn’t do and they were because I physically couldn’t. I truly regret that. At this point in my life not only am I getting control of my eating and how I treat my body, I am also learning how to mend the wounds of all the damage I may have caused by dodging these major issues in my life for so long.

Growth is a major pain in the ass but it’s very important. We can’t allow our shortcomings to lay there and never try to do anything to address them. Others are affected by the things we are dealing with and how we are dealing with them. The past year has taught me that while I can’t go back I can make choices right now that will affect the future more positively. It’s funny how doing keto has really turned my life around. Not the diet itself but how it’s forced me to open my eyes to all the other things I have neglected because I was so busy eating my struggles away.

We all have the amazing power to change. I think that’s what makes the human race so damn amazing! That with all of our faults we can take all of them and knock them off one by one. We may not be perfect, but the pursuit of perfection is in our powers!

Whatever your dealing with I hope you find the strength that you never knew you had to conquer your demons. I pray you gain the power to mend the fences that may be broken in your life! I wish you well!

Please like and comment. Your energy and point of view are always welcome.


Posted by on December 11, 2017 in Uncategorized


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I guess I was wrong about my previous post. As you know I had a run-in with a deer the other night and smashed up the front end of my truck! It’s not totaled but I need a new light housing as well as a new grill. When it happened, I stated that the deer were stating that it was their damn territory and I needed to pay my respects before crossing. It was a  failed attempt at humor on my part and it was also completely false. The accident had nothing to do with a coordinated effort of the deer association. I know you’re as surprised as I am about that! After going thru what has transpired today, I’m absolutely positive of my summation.


This whole incident has taken place because I needed a reminder that I have a real issue with food and more specific; sugar. I am a sugar addict and I have a major problem with refined carbohydrates and other foods that we refer to as comfort foods.


Starting from the time I got home safely that night until the writing of this post, I have been constantly shoving all types of crap into my mouth at an alarming and dangerous pace! It started with Hostess cupcakes and an apple pie and ended with an evil yet delicious pile of Ruffle potato chips. In the middle, I had soda pop, 5 mini Twix bars, 4 mini Snicker bars and 10 Starburst! Damn, I guess I could have consumed one of my children and ate fewer calories! The absolute worst part about all of the eating is I wasn’t hungry at any part of it! Truth be told there are a few items I don’t even remember eating. When I think about the binge it’s almost like a foreign entity entered my body and took over all of my motor skills.


Honestly what stopped me was this blog! When I started mulling around for a topic for my upcoming post I simply snapped out of my trance. I slowly began to collect my thoughts and the force of recognition hit me like a ton of Potatoes falling off a speeding truck.


I’m an addict! When your an addict all that matters is the fix. No matter what is happening around me I am and will always be one decision away from choosing to get high! It makes no difference if it’s food or a street drug. Food is my bottle, my crack pipe and it has a hold on me like Chris Rock In that New Jack City scene! It just keeps calling me!




Since I’ve changed my diet to low carbs my mind has been so focused on meal prepping and fasting that it laid dormant for a long little while. Sure, I’ve had the occasional sweet treat or cheat meal but nothing overboard like today. This whole incident has reminded me that I am an Addict and I will always be an Addict! Every single day of my life until the end this will be my biggest personal struggle and the choices I make on a daily basis must keep that in mind!


I’m not suggesting that everyone that eats this way has my problem. All I’m saying is it’s this way for me. My struggles with eating and the trials and tribulations that I face are why I started this blog in the first place. Sometimes I get so caught up trying to help others that I forget that my struggle is the most important. There is no way to help another if you can’t come to terms with your own Demons. They may lay Dormant for awhile but they are always there. They are apart of who you are and they must at the very least be recognized. The strength that it takes to defeat this addiction is inside of me.


No, I’m not He-Man but I do have the power. Ha Ha. I’m going to deal with this setback the only way I know how! Get up this morning and every morning after that and Fight. The only Mandatory requirement for Weight loss or anything else is that you get your ass up. You keep taking those punches and you fight until you’re satisfied with your life! I really sucked bad today, but I will not suck tomorrow! I will get my big, obese, broken tail light having, overindulgent ass up and get it right! This is my life and my promise to myself! I will not lose! EVER!


I really hope you got something from this and even if you didn’t I wish for you a blessed and successfully day! As always your likes and comments are always encouraged! Each one, teach one!


Posted by on December 4, 2017 in Uncategorized


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Tahoe seasoned Deer meat

O.k now usually I try to keep my blog post somewhat on the subject of keto and healthy eating. I may throw in some weird topics about fasting and recipes but for the most part, I created this space to talk about keto and my permanent life decision to switch to eating a healthier diet. Having said that, I will be veering over to the side of the road. Way over to the side of the road where I hit the damn deer last night!




So I’m on my way to pick up my Nephew. He lives about an hour and a half away from me in Owensboro,Kentucky. I live in Elizabethtown so most of the trip was straight freeway, High speed driving with sporadic traffic. It’s actually a really pretty drive. You have the beautiful rolling hills of the bluegrass state dancing along the drive and the roads are surprisingly smooth. While I was on my way to pick up booty head, I mean my Nephew(hey, he started the name calling) I encountered a large herd of vehicle destroyers! Now I’m going the speed limit, about 71 miles per hour and the herd decides that my red truck has violated the rules of their road by driving at night. Apparently, I forgot to pay my respects to the greater deer clan association or something because they came out in full force to meet me!


They made their approach from right to left in a powerful show of force and unity. Once I noticed the welcoming party I began to slow my truck and swerve into the lane beside me. To my surprise the leaders of the destroyers timed their attack beautifully with the timing of an alley-oop in basketball, meaning they were both in sync and purposeful. As they closed in on my front  passenger side light, I could hear the leader say “You know the drill boys, focus on the headlights, that will show them!” I managed to swerve in time to miss the majority of the mob however that lead deer had something in his dark brown eyes. For a brief and horrific moment, we locked eyes and I saw that he was willing to make the ultimate sacrifice to earn his respect! He landed a devasted head blow to the lighting unit and kaboom! Headlight destroyed, deer hair flying wildly in the air and my Tahoe grill and light ruined. Damn! Damn! Damn!



I praise God my Nephew wasn’t in the vehicle at the time because despite my weird attempt at humor it was a near catastrophe! We are safe and that’s all that matters. For those of you who don’t respect the Deer ‘Hood, stay out of the Deer ‘Hood cuse’ you wouldn’t know what to do in the Deer ‘Hood!


Posted by on December 2, 2017 in Uncategorized


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Cardio? On purpose?




So it’s the very first day of December and I’m trying to decide what my goals are for the month. It’s a little difficult to make goals about fitness and weight loss when you have anxiety about working out. It’s funny how I’ve always loved going to the gym in the past. I would get on the cardio machines, fire up my headphones and blast off into another world. I’m not sure if everyone does this but when I’m working out I like to pretend that I am the king of the damn world! What I mean by that is when my heart is pumping and the sweat is pouring down the side of my face, the music transforms me into a place where I am the greatest version of myself! I listen to all types of music while working out. I should say I used to as I was working out. In these recent years, I have developed a bit of a stumbling block. Truth be told I have absolutely no idea where it started but it’s just not the same.


The pain of working out when your an obese sized dude can be very uncomfortable. I do home workouts but they are more strength based than say heart-pumping cardio. I could attribute this to the natural order of getting older but that’s not really the problem. The problem I’ve discovered is I’ve built up a lot of anxiety about cardio over time. The confidence I may have once had when working out has been replaced with fear. Fear that standing that long or those movements will hurt so they won’t allow me to continue working out. Fear that my body will hurt so much or that I will be so tired that I won’t be able to get thru my cardio session. Like any guy I know strength training doesn’t pose the same challenge. I’m not sure if it’s because I love lifting or if strength training requires less stamina. It’s possible that both play a factor for I have been strength training pretty consistent for awhile now and that makes me feel amazing! Whenever I think about what I’m going to do about my lack of cardio the wall of nervousness and panic sets in and I just pretty much mail it in. I’ve tried chair exercises and that helps, but I wonder if they give me enough of a workout to be effective. My Fitbit keeps chiming in about me getting my 10k of steps daily and I have been trying to do that while seated, just to keep moving. Sometimes the anxiety that I mentioned stops me from progressing from seated cardio to do standing cardio and elliptical machines.


So back to my December goals. This past year I have discovered two major tools on my journey of weight loss, Fasting and of course keto. Finally, I believe it’s time to start adding challenging cardio to the mix. The more tools in the toolbox the better the machine, right? Anxiety has never been a problem of mine except in the area of fitness.

We must never let our fears stop our soul’s progression. Mind, Body, and Soul must work in harmony for happiness to take place. With that said, I’ll be making a list of my goals this month containing serious revisions to my current routine. Growing as a person is only bad when you don’t want to gain fat, right?(insert smile here!)

Wish me luck and I hope you all conqueror your fears and set big goals for yourselves.  If you have anxiety about anything that your facing I would love to hear it. Please feel free to like and comment!





Posted by on December 1, 2017 in Uncategorized


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